Thursday, 24 July 2008

Furry Fun

You scored 64 furriness, 81 pounciness and 66 sexiness!

You are wise in the ways of the fur, you could be more cuddly but more likely are of a slightly predatory nature and very very sexy of course. We less knowledgable furs will gather around your feet and imbibe your wisdom...and you never know we might be up for some sex later!

Ok, so after that nice little diversion, I want to OUT myself as a furry. A mental, hyperactive, tail wiggling, mask wearing, pussy cat ear displaying, horny bugger of a furry.

Dont know what yall think, dont care.

All I know is for some unexplained reason, I cant stop thinking about fucking somebody with the head of a wolf. And thats been stuck in my forethought for over 6 secretive years. A half man half animal hybrid, the animal instinct within them dissolving all human responsibilities and logic, raw passion and lust, and claw marks dragged down across my tits. Its been something ive ignored for a fair few years, thinking maybe it was something I just fantasised about, but more and more its been crossing over into my sex life (and getting my partner a little anxious!)

We had amazing sex in Italy, in a hotel room, and he tied my wrists together behind my back, lent me over the bed with my knees on the floor, and then thwacked down rains of hard spanks for nearly an hour. This was great in itself, as I was getting quite hard, but then he told me he wouldnt fuck me unless I meowed. Oh my god, I thought to myself, I have never done that for anybody before! The thought totally excited me, and before I knew it, I was being fucked doggy style with gutteral pussy meows crooning ever louder, and the noises grew so intense I didnt know how to stop them. This had been the hottest sex I have ever had, and even though I did not possess a furry outfit at the time (I am more privvy to just the ears and tail, or masked head, not the whole furry suit), I was in total character, and lost in my feline persona.

People have winced at this fetish, and said that perhaps i'm into beastiality somehow, but I strongly disagree. I do not want to have sex with animals, but rather people dressed up and behaving like animals.

It might have stemmed from me running around on all fours for years as a child, or even perhaps my obessesive behaviour observing animals, and wishing I could be just like them, or even the animal instincts I have on a daily basis, which feel like a far cry from being human. Every day, if I see a mouse scuttling across the railings below the platform on the tube, I crave to be her. If I see a happy bounding dog, I see my partner in him, all silly and full of fun and affection, and pleasing and being loyal to their owner. If I see a cat sauntering across the path, or stroke one on my lap, I look deep into their eyes to try and understand their knowing look, their knowledge and their complete sexiness, and wish I culd have a life like that. If I was an animal, I would certainly be a cat, or at times a fox. Infact, I love both animals for different reasons, so i'm sure depending on the situation I could indeed be both. A slender beautiful black velvety adored and spolit cat, or a fuzzy sneaky scavenging skinny cheeky fox, slipping through the shadows in the night, struggling to survive, and throughly nocturnal.

I have also been into the idea of 'Petification' for quite some time. Similar to the concept of being Furry, Petification relies on the subject being totally dimninshed of all human responsiblity, stripped, not allowed any vocal expression other than barking/meowing, and playing with toys and playing with their owner, in much the same way that a real pet would/could. This is more intense than being a furry, as the human subject has to give up all their dignity and human instinct, and be petted, loved and played with. The main idea seems to be along a playful theme - a head space where humans can forget their worries, get naked and be put on a lead- and ultimatley give pure unconditional control to their owner. I like the fact that somebody can get off on being in that frame of mind rather than actually just being fucked as an animal aswell, as I think the human mind is a powerful thing and sometimes actual sex doesnt need to be involved (although if it was, it would obviously be a cheeky bonus).

I am looking to join MUCK soon to get onto their message forums and see if anybody else is as perverted as me. I'm sure they are, it's just the idea of nasty straight 40 something men in a full blue mascot bunny suit kinda turns me off a bit too. lol.
Hopefully there will be some younger bundles of fur out there for me to perve over on the world wide web.

And furthermore, I hope my partner starts howling at the moon anytime soon... ;)

Monday, 21 July 2008

My first animations to be proud of

Now I have passed my degree in Computer Animation, 2:1, I guess I should put up some of my work to show you my first stabs at professional level freelance. Here folows some animation, editing, and illustrations. Im working on some more, which will be even better, so watch this space. This all looks a bit amateur to me now... and I hate the track which I have had to animate to in this most recent bit of freelance. Anyone want me to make them a music video which is dark, morbid, about loss, and maybe to something deeper, darker and more depressing? Enough of this airy fairy 'girl next door' bullshit -it just isnt me (and for those of you that know me, you can tell its not suited to my style at all.)

Any takers?

Will testosterone change my partner, beyond all recognition?

Being a Queer Femme, I quite like transguys.

I have developed a lusting for them, since my teeny bop fantasies as a closeted
man-hating confused lesbian who liked butch women. They're hot, horny, generally muscular (although not too much girth please), and have the emotional maturity and intelligence that most Bio Men do not- and have never- possessed. I find they know how to look after a woman, and treat them with respect (apart from the ones who believe that their new found masculinity is an excuse to become a bigoted womaniser), and have this understanding of what it was once like to be a woman - and in having that understanding and open mindedness towards all genders, approach life differently and more sensitively, knowing in their hearts what it is like to be ridiculed and taken the piss out of. They seem to have better karmas.

My problem is that my pre-op transguy bit of stuff let me administer his first shot of 'T' on Saturday morning. I was hesistant to inject it, as I am not a fan of needles. However, upon doing so, a few things entered into my mind...

'Will he be the same person, mentally, once the T has taken effect?'
'Will it make him more aggressive?'
'Will it change his personality?'
'Will he become more horny, and susceptable to straying away to be satisfied?'
'Will he become more agumentative?'

I am ready for his transition, and have been for quite some time, as it has been talked over for the past year or so, and has been something I have been looking forward to, as he physically blossoms into a gorgeous guy. But I am more than worried about the side effects of the T, and what it will do to our relationship.

My partner already has a short temper, is agitated easily and doesnt deal well with negativity. This is so much so that the first shot of T he had on Saturday we had an argument in the street in the early hours of the morning which was very volatile (which subsequentally led to him being arrested, and being released the next morning, as 7 pigs in a van saw all the kerfuffle), and I thought to myself 'did he fly off the handle more than usual because of the T?'

I really want him to start going to counselling and seek anger management courses, because ive got a feeling that if he doesnt, then things can only get worse. I am worried that he'll feel alienated and alone if he begins to become more angry due to the T, and also the detrimental effect it will have on our relationship. The last thing I would want is for us to break up because he is transitioning, as this has been something we have been building towards as a couple for a long time...

If anybody has any suggestions or groups in the City of London (UK) that we could look up, or indeed any advice from any other femmes who have dated/been with transguys who have faced a similar ordeal (even if not from the UK, as thats irrelevant), please get in contact with me. Even better, any femme who has been through this who wants to become friends, all the better. xxxx

Dark Trix

Still trying to mend the broken heart...

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Relationships - Open or Closed?

I am a woman who likes relationships.

I love all sorts. Friendships, monogamous relationships, open relationships, casual relationships.
I particulary like relationships which are committed, yet slightly open... to the degree that there is a loving respectful relationship between a couple, and also room to invite others into that wonderous equilibrium and enjoy the experience as well as giving each other the freedom to enjoy negotiated sex with others. Yes... its fucking hard work. But... the efforts are rewarding.

At best, this sort of model relationship, for me, has been exciting, varied, on the edge (emotionally as well as physically), sexually diverse, enagaging with various sexualities, genders, cross/transgenders, and with pain and pleasure beautifully blending into one sensation at times. It has been fulfilling, fun, intense, heightened, spiritual, empowering, and has brought me closer to my partner. Group sex does this for me particulary, as both sides of the relationship are balanced, respected, and brought together in a sexual unity. This is pure love and trust.

At worst, this sort of model relationship has brought pain, neglect, paranoia, jealousy, disrespect, and bringing with it arguements and certain lack of priorities. This is generally associated with the other side of the 'open relationship coin' - 1 on 1 sex outside of the primary relationship. When sex with other people is clearly negotiated, communicated, reassured and planned - my mind is at rest- I know it's just sex, and not a taken opportunity with no regard for consequence. I can know in my heart and my head that my partner has taken my state of mind and respect fully into his/her consideration, and I will generally let that
1 on 1 situation happen on that occassion. But when the sex is unplanned, due to a drunken escapade, or drug influenced, or just seen as an opportunity when i'm not present, then I see that as something disrespectful to the commitment of the relationship.

I dont see this as an idealist point of view. I call this consideration, and a balance.

This works for me, and may also work for other people. Communicating clearly and consisely sometimes is also a sort of foreplay for me. I could talk with my partner about the would be
1 on 1 sex situation, if eiether of us was to play away, and get off on the idea that one of us was going to go and have a wild evening with somebody who respected our relationship. However,
1 on 1 is not something I can allow very often, as otherwise it becomes too accessible/easy. It could be concentrated on, instead of our own sex life (which is of paramount importance to me), and become the main focus. The option of outside sex is there to heighten it, NOT to be an alternative to it. Otherwise, you might as well be single... This rings true especially if one of us is in a situation with a group of friends where the sex could all too well be accessible. If this occurs over a drunken night with somebody else, I feel like a broken housewife who's husband has rammed his cock in another woman he met in some bar with a few whiskies, after saying he was doing overtime at work. Well, thats how it feels.

I'm not a jealous woman at all. My problem is that I get volatile when somebody takes the piss out of me. I am strong and focused, and always stick to my plans and promises to others, so am a fiery femme when somebody takes advantage of that. I dont like to be treated badly, so I give out what I want to recieve. I let people lead by example. Arguements tend to rise out of lack of communication, or bad last minute decisions, or situations occuring from being intoxicated. I just dont like being sidelined, or lied to. Who does?

Dont get me wrong - I have looked for partners who want the same model relationship as me. I am not forcing this on anybody. I am not 'lost' without a relationship, but unlike a lot of single one night stand obsessed kinds, I like the caring, committed, open and honest aspects of being in a committed relationship. Some gay men have insinuated recently that I am of a weaker character because I like to be in relationships, but I disagree with them. That is my lifestyle choice. Infact, I was very offended.

My greatest quote is...

'The greatest thing youll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.'

I see nothing wrong with my wanting a relationship with somebody. I see it being a better lifestyle choice than some of the scene whores I see scouting the pavements of Soho, looking for the next Friday Fuck. My decision is my choice, and nobody has the right to say I am of a weaker disposition just because I want commitment. It's not like i'm asking for pure downright monogamy. I quite happen to like coming home to somebody I love, having a cuddle, seeing our own/joint friends eiether together/seperatley, and also having a profound deep and meaningful connection together. I LIVE for that feeling. Its better than heroin, or any other drug for that matter. Closeness is the breath of life. Its to feel human.

Nevertheless, I am facing problems at the moment with the concept of 1 on 1 sex. If it happens without my persmission, do I just break up with the partner whose broken my trust? Do I listen to their 'just' reasons for why it happened, and try again on the basis that they won't ever lie to me again? Are they simply 'acting up' (as one of my friends put it) to make it easier for me to finish with them, after perhaps realising that they want something/somebody else out of life, other than me? Do I let go after the years we have spent together, and accept that they are withholding information from me about their true desires, and realise that ive wasted years of love and affection with somebody I believed with my heart and soul was in it for the long term, or do I try and make it work? Is having 1 on 1 sex the beginning of the end, for a relationship which is already seemingly in difficulty? Do I just give up, or do I carry on?

Answers on a postcard please...


I am a Queer Femme.

I have many interests, which you will learn, all in good time.

Heavily into creativity, fetishism, feathers, transguys, hot curvy femmes, people who do not relate to the norm, animation in all its glory, hairstyles, nail filing, and PVC heels that look prettier than their practicality. I wear black. I like eyeliner. I like attention, affection, stroking, relationships, openess, honesty, bravery and independence, and i'm not afraid to say it.
Getting tattoo's, poking other's tattoo's, getting pierced, poking other people's piercings.

Being admired, being adored, adoring others, and being sociable.

Being appreciated.
Being listened to, and having the ears for others stories.
Here's a few of mine.... xxx